those crazy cullens, and bella too!
by the grooving veggie
Summary: random stories of the cullens!
1. eharmony

Disclaimer- I am not stephenie meyer, and do not own any of the characters in this story or twilight, new moon or eclipse

Disclaimer- I am not stephenie meyer, and do not own any of the characters in this story or twilight, new moon or eclipse. Or taco bueno.

My first fan fic, be nice!

Edward- Hi Bella!

Bella- why are you always putting me down!

Edward- What?

Bella- your so negative!

Edward- I brought you some flowers.

Bella- I don't want your frickin flowers, I found someone else okay?

Edward- why? WHY?? CREUL WORLD!!

Bella- yeah that's right, I don't need your vampire powers anymore, I have the power of a small investor!

Edward- this sucks! I'm going to kick some werewolf butt!

Alice- hi Edward! Did bella tell you her big news?

Edward, sobbing on floor

Alice- yeah, I knew you weren't right for her so I told her to go onto **I don't own that either**

Carlisle- Edward, I have some other shocking news for you too, your adopted.

Edward- NOOOOOOO!! Well, you'll all be sorry when I take the form of my alter-ego, Estaban Cortez, and kill all of you!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

_Doorbell rings_

Bella- My date is here!!

Alice- OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!

Rosalie- Alice, shut up!! I WANT TO DIE!! _Jumps of magic cliff that appears next to her_

Emmet- are you okay?

Rosalie- let me die in peace, emmet! GOSH!!

Emmet- okay! _Skips off whistling _

Alice- Bella! Go answer the door!

_Bella answers door_

Estaban Cortez- Bella, I am here your ever so masculine boyfiend from e harmony is here!

Bella- YAY!! You look familiar, are you in an add for taco bueno?

Estaban Cortez- yes, every Tuesday and Thursday night is salad bar night at taco bueno. _In super fast voice_ offer does not last through December, while supplies last. Tacos may contain harmful meats such as rat, and cockroach.

Bella- YAY!!

Edward still wearing estaban outfit sits on couch- screw this! I'm going to Italy!

Disappears in a cloud of smoke.

Bella- where did estanban go?

Esme- POTATOE CHIPS!!

Bella- your right esme, emmet will take me!

Emmet- TO TACO BUENO!!

hope you liked it! please review! all reviews will get into next story!


	2. ICE CREAM!

Disclaimer- I don't own any characters or products or businesses in this story

Disclaimer- I don't own any characters or products or businesses in this story.

REVIEW!! Good or bad. Don't care, just do it.

Bella- you know what I love?

Rosalie- What?

Bella- ICE CREAM!!

Jasper- ME TOO!!

Edward- ME THREE!!

Bella- Edward, I'm not taking you back.

Edward- but we share interests!!

Bella- okay!

Edward- yessss!

Bella- but I must see estaban one more time before leaving him.

Edward- he will return in the night!!

_Later that night_

_Bella is standing at her window_

Bella- Estaban! Estaban! Wherefore art thou estaban? Deny thy father and refuse thy name. and I'll no longer be a capulet! I mean, cullen!

Estaban- I am here! But I gotta tell you, the last weeks were fun and all, but your not exactly what I'm looking for in a woman. In other words, your ugly, goodbye forever.

Bella- Coolio!

_Edward suddenly appears next to her wearing a fake mustache and a sandwich board advertising taco bueno_

Edward- YAY!! HES GONE!!

Bella- I think we need some time apart, I've been looking online again, and I found someone that suits me better. BYE!!_ Runs out_

Edward, sobbing on floor again

Alice- the sad part. She left you for a box of sharpies.

Edward- CURSE YOU SHARPIES!!

Bella- Edward, I love you again, the sharpies were non scent.

Edward- YAY!!

Bella- oh, I wasn't talking to you, there is a guy behind you that's name is Edward.

I call him Edward 2

Edward 2- what now punk?!

Edward- wanna fight?

Edward 2- maybe I do!

Edward- bring it on succa!

Emmet- hey rose, 15 bucks on e2

Rosalie- OH! i'm in!

Carlisle- me too!

Esme- POTATOE CHIPS!!

All- YAY!!

_All place bets on e2_

Edward- negligence! I'm running away!

All- YAY!!

Edward runs away crying.

Bella- hey Edward, this isn't working out.

Edward 2 runs off crying.

E and e2 form a band of super e's called the stalkers.

Bella- oh no, the stockers! Blajhbdchweql!!

Emmet- bella! I'm trying to watch tv!

Bella is running around, she falls and hits her head on rosalie's knee.

Rosalie- YAY!!

The salkers- NOOOOOO!!

Carlisle- is she dead?

Alice- aren't you the doctor?

Turn around to find Carlisle with a syringe.

Carlisle- oh yeah, funny tidbit, I got fired.

All- YAY!!

Review! Reviews go in story!! All of them!!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer- I don't own any of the characters or products in this story

**Disclaimer- I don't own any of the characters or products in this story. **

Bella- dude, guess what?

Jasper- chiken butt!

Bella- no.

Alice- applesauce!

Bella- closer.

Esme- potatoe chips!

Bella- almost there.

Edward- bella! What the crap is it!

Bella- HEELY'S!! they reduce the amount of actual walking I do!

Carlisle- based on my hypothesis, you will gain weight I you don't walk as much.

Bella- yeah well you got fired, so I don't base anything on your hypothesis.What do you

do now anyway?

Carlisle- I got a sweet jig going at newton's.

Mike- he's the semi annual fill in toilet cleaner.

Bella- Mike! I missed you! Guess what!

Mike- what?

Edward- OH MY GOD! WE ARE NOT GOING THROUGH THIS AGAIN! IT'S

EFFING HEELY'S!

Bella- Way to kill the fun Edward. If you don't watch it, I might hook up with estaban.

Edward- sure, if it means I don't have to deal with your shananogins anymore.

Alice- Edward, the 80's called, they want their lingo back.

Edward- well you can tell them I won't give it back.

Bella- I thought this conversation was based around me!

Mike- I'll base things around you!

Bella- Mike, why are you still here?

Mike- I love you!

Edward- what was that?

_Mike runs away screaming for his mommy_

**10 years, and one really fat bella later**

Fat bella- Edward, can you hand me the remote. I want to watch my stories.

Edward- bella, how did you get so fat?

Carlisle- I told you!

Alice- what is it you do again?

Carlisle- I scare little kids on that corner over there. The hermit pays me 10 cents an

hour!

Fat bella- where are my heely's! I need to go to the bathroom!

Edward- bella, get out of my house.

Estaban cortez- where she goes, I go!

_Edward turns around to be Edward again_

Edward- ok. Why are you here anyway?

Estaban- I started living here when I lost my sweet hobo gig to the doctor over there.

Jasper- has anyone seen emmet?

_Emmet has been squashed under bella for the last 10 years unable to move or make _

_sound_

Emmet- help!

Jasper- did anybody hear anything?

All- nope!

Bella- HEELY'S!! NOW!!

Carlisle- Oh crap, I just got fired again.

Estaban- Yes, to the street corner! Bella come!

Bella watching tv- I'll do it later.

Estaban- okay! To taco bueno!

_When food is mentioned, bella jumps off the couch and sees emmet indented in the couch._

Bella- TO TACO BUENO!!

_Jumps out window and sprints down street, blocking both lanes._

Emmet- I haven't hunted in 10 years!

_Runs after bella, but when he jumps at her, he bounces off of her._

**I'm sorry about that story. I had a major mental block and that was the best I could do. It was for you morgan. And by the way Victoria, I didn't copy a thing, that's right, heely's.**


	4. not a chapter

Not a chapter

Not a chapter.

For all you people out there who read this, I am writing a really long chapter and it should be done by this week. I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, but here are a few teasers!

Emmet- Rosalie, I think that guy is looking at your butt.

Alice- emmet, you were in a boyband?!

Bella- oh my Carlisle! We are trapped in a giant bucket!

Sorry for the suspense, I have another thing to tell you, its one of the things that I say. I just started it and I want it to start to be popular. Its one of those _oh my Carlisle,_ or_, Edward cullen- sexier than you since 1918,_ but I just started it! Please please please, give me credit for it!

Edward Cullen is so hot, he's causing global warming.

Yay!! I'll update you soon!

The grooving veggie


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